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SEX & "Sexual Identity" |
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SEX Sex, is a great feeling. It's completely natural. In terms of what a human feels... Hormones in our human systems cause urges... or some trickery of an evolutionary joke for homo sapiens, to DRIVE THEM MAD! It's an itch, that needs an occasional scratching. 'Often confused as or with romance. I recall as a young man wishing, at times, that I could leave
my dick at home with my pile of dirty magazines. How convenient would that
be?... to be able to choose when you wanted to be distracted while
you were trying to make something of yourself during the most potentially
productive time in your life as an energetic youth. I thought sex was supposed to be a secret, something you use
only for love... well..... that's what I thought. I like having sex with a male, I prefer this term "male" over "man". "Man" is a subjective term. I don't know if I wouldn't like having sex with a female. I can't imagine that it would hurt. "Sex for me is a bit strange" That was my last ending quote. I write this now, April 22, 2004,
-- about sex. Since meeting my boyfriend, I've experience a different attitude
towards sex. I'm monogamous to him, but not in my head --no guilt about that. I
would have sex with others if the situation came up, however, I neither look for
this nor find myself in such an opportunistic situation. For now, I am more than
content with my boyfriend. He's extremely good in bed, more than I ever expected
and we don't have a whole hell of a lot of sex... no complaints from me. So sex
for me, is not so "strange" any more. Before it was strange because I
wanted it, but not usually from those I was having it with before I met my
boyfriend. I was trying to have a relationship more than wanting
to have sex with my previous partners.... or I was trying to have sex more than
wanting a relationship with previous partners.
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Sexual Identity One word... Most people don't know what I mean when I use this word, "ego." EGO is sort of your mind's hard-wiring, that is, how it or you react to things. Ego is part of you, but it's not actually you, it's just your "hard wiring." Your ego develops since childhood, changing all the time, and it continues to change as you encounter new experiences throughout your life. So this "hard wiring" really isn't "hard wiring" or permanent. This impermanency signifies an intangibility or unreal ness. 'Just trying to say that the ego is not you. Not the real or the total you anyway. We're dogs damn it! Tickle us an we giggle... 'doesn't matter if the tickler is male or female.. or a dog. If you are unaware of the sex of the person stroking your dick, you will get hard... just like a dog. If you don't get hard, there is something seriously physically wrong with you. What this is saying, is that your sexuality is based on ego, that so called "hard wiring." Yes, it's "what you/I feel" ... no, it's really just how one reacts in your mind (ego). That is all. How does it feel knowing your sexuality is a reaction? Who you go to bed with is ego based. Like you prefer one flavor of ice cream over another. We shouldn't moralize over that, but we do sadly. That is, I'm a fag, and that is a natural occurrence...
it needn't be justified by either by nature or nurture. What's a true abomination to god is to think that you know more than her. For the record.. I'm certain I was unwittingly "raised
gay" ... they know not what they did.... too bad, and who cares? It's
done. And it's a life that is teaching me more than most men ever
dreamed nor heard of. |